WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
