Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
