Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
