So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
