mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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