Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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