Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
