im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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