the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
