Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
