Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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