Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
