his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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