Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
