Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
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You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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