All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize