I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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