I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
