please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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