The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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