Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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