You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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