This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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