her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
