3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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