This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
