Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
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i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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