It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Did I show you my penis last night?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
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He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.