i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can