It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to