my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.