I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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