And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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