woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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