There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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