Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
