maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
