fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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