if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
