I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
