PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Apparently you make a good broom.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
