I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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