you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
