Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
