I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
