My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
