im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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