i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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