i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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