Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
