i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
