Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
