shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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