he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
