I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like death gave me a hand job
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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