I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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