he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
