You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
