so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
someone owes me an orgasm
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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