he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
