Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Potential corruption. He's 19.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Get them while they're young!

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  (248): Potential corruption. He's 19. (1-248): Get them while they're young! http://tfl.nu/cezi
  Replies (2) Good night (1437) Bad night (437)
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  (310): View more from California

  you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.

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  (310): you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday. http://tfl.nu/y9g2
  Replies (6) Good night (3442) Bad night (549)
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  (707): View more from California

  so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?

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  (707): so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before? http://tfl.nu/2y4h
  Replies (50) Good night (796) Bad night (5741)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.

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  (914): Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine. http://tfl.nu/4xx7
  Replies (8) Good night (692) Bad night (6809)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.

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  (330): if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would. http://tfl.nu/x08w
  Replies (16) Good night (3990) Bad night (1201)
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  (415): View more from California

  I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny

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  (415): I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny http://tfl.nu/icdv
  Replies (41) Good night (944) Bad night (4131)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

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  (702): You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever. http://tfl.nu/mih5
  Replies (13) Good night (5175) Bad night (1257)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart

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  (815): Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart http://tfl.nu/4qqp
  Replies (19) Good night (7797) Bad night (1629)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?

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  (570): i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it? http://tfl.nu/x3ze
  Replies (4) Good night (2652) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style

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  (248): There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style http://tfl.nu/z785
  Replies (5) Good night (2028) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.

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  (781): MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/90bv
  Replies (14) Good night (2074) Bad night (588)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.

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  (541): Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one. http://tfl.nu/3exv
  Replies (15) Good night (1382) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina

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  (440): It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina http://tfl.nu/iyhy
  Replies (7) Good night (594) Bad night (1314)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.

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  (360): Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable. http://tfl.nu/uogv
  Replies (12) Good night (1138) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?

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  (339): I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party? http://tfl.nu/m45s
  Replies (0) Good night (531) Bad night (201)

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