Texts From Last Night

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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.

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  (709): took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable. http://tfl.nu/b0tu
  Replies (18) Good night (915) Bad night (3194)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?

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  (815): Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed? http://tfl.nu/op28
  Replies (29) Good night (856) Bad night (4486)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people

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  (515): brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people http://tfl.nu/wdd8
  Replies (43) Good night (960) Bad night (4742)
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  (408): View more from California

  i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.

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  (408): i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person. http://tfl.nu/pbus
  Replies (18) Good night (5165) Bad night (1049)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.

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  (360): Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall. http://tfl.nu/7ndl
  Replies (3) Good night (3561) Bad night (1409)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.

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  (817): If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun. http://tfl.nu/31s3
  Replies (8) Good night (1448) Bad night (1582)
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  (310): View more from California

  Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?

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  (310): Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away? http://tfl.nu/o5qu
  Replies (10) Good night (988) Bad night (2052)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole

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  (631): Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole http://tfl.nu/78ec
  Replies (7) Good night (2904) Bad night (928)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.

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  (847): The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one. http://tfl.nu/8fpw
  Replies (2) Good night (804) Bad night (415)
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  (+81): View more from

  He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????

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  (+81): He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave???? http://tfl.nu/srpt
  Replies (5) Good night (1122) Bad night (315)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.

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  (605): No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives. http://tfl.nu/8dyn
  Replies (2) Good night (367) Bad night (651)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.

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  (250): It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt. http://tfl.nu/flxk
  Replies (2) Good night (516) Bad night (295)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.

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  (306): I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him. http://tfl.nu/3qpq
  Replies (1) Good night (619) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...

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  (479): I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns... http://tfl.nu/3zef
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY

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  (904): UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY http://tfl.nu/1tru
  Replies (4) Good night (337) Bad night (230)

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