I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.