The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?