Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes