Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa