I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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