I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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