he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
