I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
