We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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