I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
