at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
