So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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