My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
