my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We had sex on a dog bed..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
