I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
