Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
