i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
