I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
