My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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