Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
