I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
